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This is ridiculous

None of my jeans fit.  NONE.  Not even the 18W's that have gotten me through the entire first trimester, if not some of the second, of every other pregnancy.  And I'm not talking they don't fit as in, do the rubber band trick.  Nope - I'm talking, I can't even get them zipped a tiny bit, let alone get the top close enough together to pull off the rubber band trick.

Oh and the really fun part?  I have no maternity clothes.  How is that possible, you ask?  Well, my mom spied the totes of them when she was over a few months ago, and took them to her house to prep them for selling.  Since she doesn't know I'm pregnant yet (and since I don't intend on telling her until at least after my ultrasound), short of going on a stealth mission, I have no way of getting them back.

So today I made myself a low-brow version of one of these: Bella Band.  Yes, you read correctly - they want $25 for a glorified tube top.  Me, I just sacrificed a nursing tank that was too small for my boobs, anyway.  I cut off the bottom half and voila!  I nice tube of stretchy fabric to hide the fact that my pants are completely undone.  So far it's working pretty well, long as I don't walk around too much.  If I do, the jeans start to slide down a little, but I'm pretty sure they won't actually fall off.

Now I realize that with subsequent babies women tend to show sooner, but seriously - this is insane.  WHY am I so frickin' HUGE already?  I'm 8 weeks tops right now - it's possible I'm only 7 weeks (not having had a period between having the IUD removed and getting pregnant makes it a little hard to pinpoint).  And it's not like I'm pigging out - I've been way too nauseous for that.

I got my little "weekly pregancy" email yesterday, because I'm a dork and still sign up for them even though this is my fifth pregnancy.  It says my baby is no bigger than a grape.  You hear that, uterus?  A grape.  So just chill out for a little while - no need to look six months pregnant already, 'kay?  A grape doesn't need that much space.

"Every pregnancy is different."  Yes, I know.  And really, I'm ok with this one being a little different.  After having a miscarriage, an extra dose of nausea can be reassuring, in an odd sort of way.  But my belly can not keep growing this fast.  I already can't sleep on my stomach anymore.  Again - something I've always been able to do at least through my first trimester, if not longer.  Fortunately, I figured out a trick long ago with my "boyfriend" (aka "the biggest body pillow you've ever seen") that pretty closely simulates belly-sleeping.  At least enough to trick me into falling asleep.

Ah well... ultrasound is scheduled for Friday.  At least then I'll be able to shut down all the "I'll bet you're having twins!" exclamations.  You wanna see a pregnant woman with three children have a total meltdown?  Tell her she's having more than one.  Go ahead - I dare you.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 11th, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)
If you're showing that much already, you'd better come up with a plan to tell your mom - cuz she's gonna know the next time she sees you!

Feel free to come raid my closet, too. I've got tons of girlish stuff I've been gettin' rid of again. :)
Dec. 12th, 2007 04:38 pm (UTC)
Dec. 12th, 2007 04:53 pm (UTC)
LOL! Leave it to you... at least everyone else has been smart enough to stop at twins!

Although, I have had several dreams that I'm having triplets. Given the number of premonitory dreams I've had in my lifetime... yeah, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little concerned!
Dec. 12th, 2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong that when I watch Jon and Kate + 8 you go through my mind...? >;-)
Dec. 14th, 2007 01:22 am (UTC)
I was so bloated the first trimester that I looked five months until I was...five months, lol.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )