Lee's dad, Ronald L. Swank, passed away last Wednesday, January 30.  It was his birthday - he was 61 years old that day.  He arrived at the hospital at 5:56pm with chest pains and shortness of breath.  He died at 7:44pm of cardio-respitory arrest.  He was a wonderful man, and he will be dearly missed.

We spent Thursday through Sunday in Greenville cleaning out his house and making arrangements.  A memorial gathering was held on Sunday, and wow - a TON of people came.  People he worked with, people from the photography club, kids from the 4H club he advised, lots of family, and many others who just knew and loved Ron.  It was a beautiful gathering, and one that - I hope - quelled any concerns that Lee or Ron (Lee's brother) had about how their father died, or what his life was like in the recent months and years.

We brought many things from his house back to Columbus.  We have thousands - literally thousands - of photographs to sort through.  Ron was an avid photographer, and there are photos of everything from flowers to parks to local festivals to family gatherings.  In addition to all the photographs still in their envelopes with the negatives, there are hundreds of framed photos.  Years and years worth of memories to sift through.

Lee and Ron have asked that I handle the majority of the "business" end of their dad's death, so I've spent the last couple of days making tons of phone calls.  There was no will, and his records weren't exactly in order.  I've done pretty much everything I can on my own.  I have an appointment with an attorney in Greenville tomorrow morning.  Hopefully he'll be able to guide me through the rest.

Made you smile, didn't it?

We got Jonny's report card in the mail yesterday:

Social Relations with Peers: Appropriate
Academic Progress: Appropriate

Comments:
Jonny has made enormous progress with his fine motor skills.  He recently has been working on the North American and USA regional maps.  He has many friends and is thoughtful of others.  We often look for ways to motivate him in completing and closing his work independently.

PE - great!

Continues to make good progress in Spanish!

Music - Bravo!!


I'm still wondering who this "thoughtful" kid is, but hey... I guess if he's good in public, we're doing a good job, even if he's a total shit at home most of the time.  :-)

Because if I don't take at least a short mental break from work today, I just might lose it.

We did a photo shoot with mayna on Sunday, and she just put the proofs up: Proofs

They're all so fantastic, I have no idea how I'm going to pick which ones to print.  I even like the ones of me, and I *hate* pictures of me!

Dianna was great - incredibly patient and took some amazing photos, even though Levi was being a total shit.  If you're looking for a photographer, I highly recommend her.  Her website and portfolio are here.

-----

In other news, we had a baby shower here at work yesterday for my coworker, Kim, who is due March 2.  We played that game where everyone tries to guess how big around her belly is by cutting a piece of string in what you think is the right length.  Stupid me - I used my own belly to measure.  Yep - I'm a good 3-4 inches bigger than her.  Yeesh!!

Saw Dr. Jenkins last Friday - had another ultrasound, and all looks good.  Baby A (the one closest to my cervix) is measuring 12w2d, and Baby B is measuring 12w3d, so both are right on schedule.  One placenta is anterior and one is posterior, so there's pretty much no chance of the two placentas fusing, which means no twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome worry.  Baby A's placenta is a little close to my cervix, but right now there's no concern about previa.  I've lost a pound, but Dr. Jenkins said not to worry about it.  Long as I'm eating, we're good (and lord am I eating!!)

Man... I did a lot of prep/cooking this evening:

Pepperoni rolls are done, and one is half eaten.  Pepperoni rolls... oh, pepperoni rolls.  I haven't made them in years, and I'd nearly forgotten just how good they are.  My Nana used to make them all the time.  It's a similar concept to stromboli, only - somehow they are SO much better.  You just take basic bread dough and roll it out into a long oval.  Then you spread it with a simple marinara sauce (Nana always made the sauce for these with no garlic and extra sweet onions - I do the same), add a bit of mozzarella cheese (or really, any cheese you have around is fine, just don't use too much or it all oozes out), and cover it all with pepperoni.  The big, sandwich-sized pepperoni works best, but typical pizza pepperoni is fine as well.  Fold the ends in, fold the bottom up and the top over, and flip onto a greased baking sheet.  Brush the top with olive oil and sprinkle with parmesan cheese.  Bake at 350 for about 30 minutes, or until the crust sounds hollow when tapped.  YUM!!  Taking them (or well, one, as I suspect the second will be gone by mid-day tomorrow) over to Mom and Dad's tomorrow evening.  Dad has been begging for one for a loooong time.  Can't wait to watch him eat it.  I let Lee try it tonight (which explains why one is half-eaten).  He cut into it, looked at it and said, "This looks like a rip-off," referring to the fact that it doesn't have a ton of filling in it.  Then he tasted it.  "Oh my GOD this is GOOD!"  Yep - told ya!

Cheesecake is in the oven now.  That's for dessert Christmas day.  I used to make a dozen or so every Christmas and give them as gifts, but I haven't done that in a few years.  Still, can't let a Christmas go by without making at least one.

Eggnog is "cooking" on the kitchen table (you leave it sit out at room temp for about an hour and let the alcohol cook the raw egg yolks).  Just have to add the cream and some seasonings and that's done.  Sadly, I won't get to drink any this year.  Something about the combo of alcohol and raw eggs just doesn't seem like the smartest beverage for a pregnant lady.

Dough for the zeppole is in the 'fridge and ready to go for morning.  Zeppole (pronounced SEE-pah-lo by my Nana, although I'm pretty sure every region of Italy has their own pronunciation) is my favorite breakfast of all-time.  Nana always made them the morning after she made bread - she'd just set some dough aside and refrigerate it overnight.  Zeppole are best when the dough is at least a day old.  You cut the dough into triangles or strips and then fry it.  Then you dip the warm, crunchy, chewy bites of heaven into sugar or a cinnamon/sugar mix, or spread them with butter and jelly.  Sometimes Nana would stuff a piece of pepperoni inside before frying them and we'd dip them in sauce for lunch.  Oh. So. Good.  Tomorrow will be my kids' first foray into the sheer delight that is zeppole.  I can't wait!  Seriously - I can smell them already.

Dough for my Baba's Italian nut roll is also in the 'fridge, ready to be filled and baked tomorrow.  Funny thing about that nut roll.  When I looked for the recipe on Friday, I couldn't find it.  I remember all the fillings - sugar, cinnamon, pecans, white raisins, dark raisins, honey, and freshly squeezed orange juice, in that order - but no idea how to make the dough.  I could recall most of the ingredients (lots of flour, milk, butter, yeast, sugar?), but had no measurements.  Unfortunately, Baba's recipe box resides at my Uncle Mikey's house in PA, and he's not the easiest person to reach.  So I started Googling.  Surely someone else makes this thing, right?  No luck.  Then I remembered that my Aunt Millie (Nana's baby sister) always used to tease and say, "You know that's not really Italian?  His Hungarian neighbor gave the recipe to him years ago... he just started calling it Italian nut roll after he'd made it for a few years and tweaked it a bit."  I did a search for "Hungarian nut roll."  Sure enough, there it was!  The filling was very, very different, but I knew as soon as I looked at it that the recipe for the dough was exactly the same.  Thank goodness!  Making the nut roll with my Baba is one of my fondest Christmas memories, and I would have been very disappointed if I'd not been able to make it this year.  I'm going to let the kids help me with the assembly and baking tomorrow.  Should be an adventure!

I think that's it.  Tomorrow I need to get as much prepared for Christmas dinner as I can before we head over to Mom and Dad's for Christmas Eve.  I'm making lasagna and a big pot of meatballs and sausage.  Dessert (cheesecake) will already be done.  Serve that up with a big salad and some freshly-baked bread and I should be good to go.  Oh crap - I might be out of yeast.  Well, what would Christmas be without at least one last-minute trip to the grocery store?

Ok - finish eggnog, take cheesecake out of oven, and get to bed by 11:30 to start all over again tomorrow.  Whee!

This level of tired is just incomprehensible.  Seriously - driving the kids to school this morning, I actually looked at the clock and contemplated whether I had time to pull off the road and snooze for a few minutes.  From the second I get out of bed, all I want to do is get back in.  I hope this gets better in the 2nd trimester, but most sources I've read says it only gets marginally better when you're carrying more than one.

I've found that I'm WAY more concerned about eating all the right things this time around than I ever was for previous pregnancies.  Protein is a tough one, since I'm having a lot of trouble eating meat.  The charts all say I should be getting 150-200g per day.  That is a LOT of protein!!  Basically, I've been trying to make sure I get some protein with every meal/snack.  I'm not specifically counting, but I would be surprised if I'm getting more than 100g/day.  Need to figure out some additional, tolerable sources.  Tuna is good, but I shouldn't have that more than a couple times per week.  I did discover that the yellow-box Barilla pasta has 17g of protein per 1 cup (uncooked) of pasta, so that's a pretty good source.  Chicken and beef both gross me out completely right now, but maybe I could try some other varieties of fish.

Even though I'm currently incapable of taking my daily vitamin (it escalates my nausea to an intolerable level), I'm not worried about that at all.  I eat a Luna bar for breakfast, and a bowl of Total cereal for my before-bed snack.  Combine those two things with the two Tums I always eat before bed, and I'm getting plenty of folic acid, calcium, and iron, plus all the other needed vitamins.  All without getting debilitating nausea.  YAY!!

Still not freaking out about actually having two babies.  Mostly what I'm freaking out about right now is maternity leave, and the possibility of bedrest.  When we were thinking about having another baby, my frame of reference was Levi: easy delivery, back to work in two weeks, bring baby with me.  It's a whole other ball of wax now.  Although I'm pretty sure my boss would let me try, bringing two babies to work just doesn't even seem feasible.  That means I'm going to need to be home for at least six weeks in order to get breastfeeding established.  That's assuming I don't get put on bedrest, or nothing else goes wrong, before then.  I'll get a portion of my pay for those six weeks - we have short-term disability - but I'm not sure what happens if I need to be out longer.  And while I agree with the old, "no one is indispensable" line, there's a whole ton of stuff, that affects a whole lot of people, that won't get done while I'm out.

Man... this is really going to be an adventure, in more ways than one or two!

That's two babies!!

Had my ultrasound this morning.  Dr. Jenkins was hilarious.  Before he started the ultrasound, he was joking that it would be funny if it's twins.  He starts the ultrasound and says "Son of a bitch, it's twins!" 

So, what I know so far:

- They're both measuring 8w2d, which leaves my due date at July 24 (Jonny's birthday).
- Way too early to tell the sexes, but since I'll have an ultrasound at every visit, there's really no way to avoid finding out.
- No way to know yet whether they're fraternal or identical.
- There are two sacs and two placentas.
- Given my history, Dr. J. is not concerned at all about me being pregnant with twins.

That's... really about it.  So far all of my thoughts are about what it's going to be like to have two babies growing in me.  I'm sure I'll move on to freaking about about having FIVE kids soon enough.

Wow.  Just... wow.

None of my jeans fit.  NONE.  Not even the 18W's that have gotten me through the entire first trimester, if not some of the second, of every other pregnancy.  And I'm not talking they don't fit as in, do the rubber band trick.  Nope - I'm talking, I can't even get them zipped a tiny bit, let alone get the top close enough together to pull off the rubber band trick.

Oh and the really fun part?  I have no maternity clothes.  How is that possible, you ask?  Well, my mom spied the totes of them when she was over a few months ago, and took them to her house to prep them for selling.  Since she doesn't know I'm pregnant yet (and since I don't intend on telling her until at least after my ultrasound), short of going on a stealth mission, I have no way of getting them back.

So today I made myself a low-brow version of one of these: Bella Band.  Yes, you read correctly - they want $25 for a glorified tube top.  Me, I just sacrificed a nursing tank that was too small for my boobs, anyway.  I cut off the bottom half and voila!  I nice tube of stretchy fabric to hide the fact that my pants are completely undone.  So far it's working pretty well, long as I don't walk around too much.  If I do, the jeans start to slide down a little, but I'm pretty sure they won't actually fall off.

Now I realize that with subsequent babies women tend to show sooner, but seriously - this is insane.  WHY am I so frickin' HUGE already?  I'm 8 weeks tops right now - it's possible I'm only 7 weeks (not having had a period between having the IUD removed and getting pregnant makes it a little hard to pinpoint).  And it's not like I'm pigging out - I've been way too nauseous for that.

I got my little "weekly pregancy" email yesterday, because I'm a dork and still sign up for them even though this is my fifth pregnancy.  It says my baby is no bigger than a grape.  You hear that, uterus?  A grape.  So just chill out for a little while - no need to look six months pregnant already, 'kay?  A grape doesn't need that much space.

"Every pregnancy is different."  Yes, I know.  And really, I'm ok with this one being a little different.  After having a miscarriage, an extra dose of nausea can be reassuring, in an odd sort of way.  But my belly can not keep growing this fast.  I already can't sleep on my stomach anymore.  Again - something I've always been able to do at least through my first trimester, if not longer.  Fortunately, I figured out a trick long ago with my "boyfriend" (aka "the biggest body pillow you've ever seen") that pretty closely simulates belly-sleeping.  At least enough to trick me into falling asleep.

Ah well... ultrasound is scheduled for Friday.  At least then I'll be able to shut down all the "I'll bet you're having twins!" exclamations.  You wanna see a pregnant woman with three children have a total meltdown?  Tell her she's having more than one.  Go ahead - I dare you.

So anyone who took the time to read my "50 questions" meme has learned that Levi is in a cast.  He was chasing Jonny and Gracie around the house and totally wiped out in the kitchen.  Poor kid broke both bones in his right arm, just above his wrist.  It was broken badly enough that an orthopedic surgeon had to reset the bones before they could put the cast on.  The entire experience was quite awful, but he handled most of it really well.  After a couple of cranky-ish days, he's back to his usual self.  We go to the ortho clinic on Monday, where we'll find out how long he has to wear the cast.

One of his new favorite games is to whack himself in the head with his cast (on purpose) and say "Ow!" over and over again, because it makes everyone in the vicinity laugh.  Goofy kid.  Great - he's a clown AND a klutz.  I see many ER visits in our future!

Here are a couple of photos I took over the weekend:

   

Sorry you have to tilt your head to the side to look at the second one.  I'm too lazy to rotate it.  :-)

If you are reading this, copy and post to your LJ.

Learn 50 things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you!

So we had a party at my house on Sunday, and boiled a giant vat of seafood.  One mere whiff of the seafood and I wanted to puke all over my shoes.  So yesterday morning, I peed on a stick.

It's still really, really, REALLY early... but, I'm pregnant.

I've certainly never had any trouble getting pregnant, but even I'm SHOCKED that it happened this quickly.  I just had my IUD removed on 10/15, and had myself all talked into "this is going to take awhile - don't freak out if it doesn't happen right away."

Yes, I realize that I'm like 5 minutes pregnant, and things could go awry, but for now, I'm cautiously thrilled.  :-)

For the first time EVER, I left an electronics store feeling that not only did we not get screwed, but I think maybe we screwed them just a little.  See, Lee and I have been browsing mattresses and refrigerators for months, but always left empty-handed because we couldn't decide what we wanted/needed more, and we didn't want to buy both at once.

A month or so back, we went to hhgregg at Easton and found a really NICE Frigidaire that was an "open box" special marked down from $1699 to $1275.  The only downside was that it was a side-by-side, and I *really* wanted a bottom mount, but stainless steel and 26 cu ft... maybe I could settle.  We asked the sales guy if he could go down any further on the price.  Nope - no way.  "We're only making about $50 on this fridge as it is," and he even took us over to the computer to prove it.  Lee and I waivered, and the sales guy tried to convince us that "at that price, it'll be gone by tomorrow."  (Yeah, right.)  We decided we'd sleep on it, figuring if it was gone when we came back, it wasn't meant to be, and left.

(As an aside, we pretty much only go to hhgregg for stuff like this - they've always treated us well, and we usually get at least a little more off whatever price we've negotiated when Lee mentions he used to deliver for them.)

Fast forward to last night... we arrive at the same hhgregg, and lo and behold, the same fridge - at the same price - is still there.  A manager named Steve came over to introduce himself, and we said we were looking for a refrigerator, but wanted to browse for a bit.  He left us alone (thank goodness).  We shopped all the refrigerators, and kept coming back to the same one.  Lee went to get Steve, and when he got there we said "we know you've had this here for awhile - how badly do you want to get rid of it?"  With no argument, he says $1,099.  Sweet!  $600 off the fridge, plus free delivery and no interest for over a year - SOLD.

He introduces us to a very tall, enthusiastic and energetic man named Ellis to ring out the sale and setup delivery.  This man does not walk, he sprints.  And he doesn't sit... it looks like he's sitting, but I swear he was just sort of hovering over the chair.  Anyway, he gets it all in the computer (Steve had to come override the price), then he asks if we want to look at anything else - maybe mattresses, because they have a great deal going on right now.  At first we said no, and he goes "look, I've never seen a deal on a refrigerator like that in my life.  If Steve has his chopping scissors out... you might get lucky."  Ok, fine - we'll go look.

We'd already narrowed it down to a couple options from previous searches, and we settle on a very comfy Serta that's supposed to be $1699 for a king, which is the size we want.  He does some calculations and says the sale price is $1270 for the set, plus it comes with free delivery and a free frame.  Damn - we almost can't pass that up, and we NEED a new mattress - desperately.  The one we're sleeping on is 10 years old and cost $200 when Lee bought it.  Oh - and it's a queen.  Yuck.  Fine... we'll probably take it, but I wanna talk to Steve first.

We run into Steve as we're walking back to the computer.  "Did you pick out a mattress?" he asks.  I say, "We sure did, but I want the same kinda deal on the mattress that you just gave us on that fridge."  He looks at Ellis, who starts to say "I've already got it down to..." Steve cuts him off and says, "I don't care, give them 20% off across the board."  SWEET!

So, we got a $1699 refrigerator for $1099 (plus free delivery and no interest 'til 2009), and a $1699 king mattress set for $1016 (plus free delivery, a free frame, and no interest 'til 2009).  Oh, and two free Serta sheep. 

Both will be delivered on Sunday.  *does a happy dance*

Oh - and as we were leaving, Ellis said to us, "The other manager is pissed.  All of our sales show up on a prompter, and when I went over for the sheep, he said 'I want to see you as soon as you're done with them.'"  LOL!  He'd better take Steve with him!

Jonny and Gracie are obsessed with this song:


I think we listened to it seven times on the way to work today.  I don't mind... it's way better than the Halloween CD my mom bought them.  Good gravy that thing is AWFUL.  There is one "song" that goes on for over 4 1/2 minutes, with just one monotoned-voiced man doing nursery rhymes, all with the same bizarre ending.  It goes something like this:

Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb, so she throwed* it out the window.  The window.  The window.  She throwed it out the window.
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, eating his mincemeat pie.  He stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum, so he throwed it out the window.  The window.  The window.  He throwed it out the window.
Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon.  The little dog laughed, so he throwed it out the window.  The window.  The window.  The throwed it out the window.
...
...
...
...

On and on and ON it goes, until I want to throw myself out the window.  Of course, my kids can't get enough of it.  Ugh.  So as a diversion, I burned a CD of all the songs I know they love.  It's much more tolerable:

Octopus's Garden - The Beatles
The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - The Flaming Lips
Another Postcard - Barenaked Ladies
Particle Man - They Might Be Giants
Message In A Bottle - The Police
Say Goodbye - The Sun
A Horse With No Name - America
California Dreamin' - The Mamas & The Papas
Wish I Could Fly Like Superman - The Sun
If I Had $1,000,000 - Barenaked Ladies
It's The End of the World As We Know It - R.E.M.
Birdhouse In  Your Soul - They Might Be Giants
Must Be You - The Sun
Stand - R.E.M.
Walking On The Moon - The Police
Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
One Week - Barenaked Ladies
And Your Bird Can Sing - The Beatles
Lost At Home - The Sun
Istanbul (Not Constantinople) - They Might Be Giants
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Walk Like An Egyptian - The Bangles
Justice - The Sun

Perhaps a little heavy on Uncle Brad songs, but still WAY better than the deranged Halloween CD.

* I'm not entirely certain he's saying "throwed," but that's the closest I can get.  It might be "flung" or "flew" or "felled."  Despite hearing it over and over again, hundreds of times, I can't quite tell what he's saying, but it sounds an awful lot like "throwed."

Just popped up in the rotation...

I've been tagged by bellarisa
The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in awhile.

1.  Pumpkin hunting and apple picking with my family Saturday morning.  Jonny and Gracie were thrilled with the giant pumpkins, and Levi thought the pumpkin patch was just the funniest thing ever.  Apple picking brought back many fond memories... it was a gorgeous day, and I think we have a new family tradition.

2.  The bento lunch my honey packed for me this morning... the heart-shaped tortilla sammiches were the best part.

3.  The text message last week that reminded me my old friends are still thinking about me.

4.  The birthday cake my kids made me, that was seriously covered in at least two inches of icing.  Come to think of it, everything about my birthday was pretty amazing.  My baby did good this year!

5.  Getting my IUD removed last week.  Yes - you read that correctly.  We're trying for #4... make me a reservation at the funny farm now, please!

6.  Giving Lee his birthday present (a new iPod Touch) a week early, and watching him hardly put it down since.



dazeoff55, hepatitis_epi, mayna, trouble841, dansarani, and halcyoneve... tag, you're it!

Snagged from trouble841

Comment and I will pick five of your interests that I'd like to know more about.

Here's what trouble841 wanted to know more about:

vw bugs
orange lemonade
felt-tip pens (ok, I already know you have a school supply fetish, but what the heck)
lots of things
pistachios

vw bugs: My dream car has always been a convertible bug - the original style, not the new one.  Cherry red with a black top, or very pale yellow with a cream top.

orange lemonade: My Nana used to make this every summer when I was a kid.  She somehow combined fresh-squeezed lemon juice, fresh-squeezed orange juice, water, sugar and ice into the most delicious beverage I have ever tasted.  I tried all summer long this year to make it, but never did get the ratios quite right.  It was good, for sure, but just not quite the same.

felt-tip pens: I love writing with them.  I have them in 10 different colors and use them for everything at work.  I've tried using them at home, but the damned kids keep stealing them.  Since I started using them, I hate writing with anything else.

lots of things: Hah!  I added this one on when I got tired of thinking of things to list as interests.  I originally thought, "heck with listing all of them, I'll just put that," but figured that would be kinda boring.

pistachios: Oh man, I love pistachios.  I could eat them until I get sick (actually I think I have, several times!)  I was an adult before I knew that they weren't actually red.  I guess I never really thought about it... Nana and Baba just always bought the red ones, so I assumed that was their natural color.  I remember eating so many as a kid that my fingers would be stained red for days.

Only because I was tagged by trouble841.

1. I count steps as I go up/down them.
2. I will eat a very wide variety food, but I have weird quirks about combinations.  For example, I love black olives, but I will not eat them in anything, and I absolutely can not eat out of metal take-out containers.
   
3. I absolutely love packing my kids' lunches every day (or, bentos are fun!!)
   
4. I put on my makeup in the car in the parking lot at work every day.  Somehow I've convinced myself that this saves me time.
   
5. Currently, my favorite song to sing at karaoke... excuse me, gayraoke... is Welcome To the Jungle. 
   
6. Lately the sheer magnitude of my job has been freaking me out a little.  Not in an "I can't handle this" way, but more in an "Holy crap, I'm responsible for a huge facet of people's lives" kinda way.
   
7. I went to my 15 year high school reunion over the weekend (first reunion I've been to).  I will not go to another for at least 15 more years.
   

Today's lunch:




x-posted to bentolunch

A few weeks ago in the car, I handed something back to Gracie and she said, very matter-of-factly, "Mommy, you have fat arms."  The following week, Jonny was hanging out in the garage with Lee, and rattling off all the people he knows who are skinny:

"I'm skinny, huh Daddy?  And Austin's skinny.  And Gracie's skinny.  And Levi's pretty skinny.  And you're skinny.  Mommy's... fat."  (He whispered the last word.)

When your kids identify you as "fat"... yeah, it's probably time to do something.  Seriously - when did I become this giant lump?  How did this happen?  Okay, yes, three babies in four years will play havoc with a person's shape and metabolism, but let's be honest here... I wasn't exactly skinny to start with, I hardly gained weight with any of my pregnancies (Jonny was the max at 15lbs, and I think I only gained 5lbs or so with Levi), and I lost it quickly every time.

As of Sunday morning, August 19, 2007, I weighed 213 pounds.

What.
The.
#*@!?

So I'm doing something, and so far, it's working.  This morning I was at 207lbs.

My secret?  Well... I'm walking daily - sometimes with my neighbor, sometimes alone - and...

I bought alli.

Yes - I said it.  I bought alli.  Of course... I haven't actually taken it yet.  Truth is, I'm scared to death of it, and probably will never ingest it.  However, I'm finding their online meal plans and other tools to be incredibly useful.  I downloaded an entire week's worth of meals, and am being very diligent about planning ahead.

What I'm NOT doing is logging what I eat in any way, and I'm finding that to be immensely helpful.

When I've dieted before, I always diligently did what the plan told me and wrote down (or tracked online) absolutely every morsel that passed my lips.  The result?  I was thinking about food constantly.  Between planning the meals and preparing the meals and eating the meals and then going back and tracking the meals and trying to recall any variances from the original plan, I hardly had time to think about anything else.  With thinking about food all the time, I was hungry all the time, and it just plain sucked.

To this point, not doing any sort of food journal is proving quite advantageous.  With a little planning at the front, I'm finding it incredibly easy to stick to my meal plan without it becoming all-consuming.  I'm happy, I'm not starving - heck, about half the time the meal is more than I can eat - and I'm losing weight.

My new bento addiction has been a big help, too!

So far, so good.

The other thing I'm not doing right now is allowing myself any sort of "cheat day."  Most plans recommend that you set aside one day per week where you eat pretty much whatever you want.  I've found those days to be my downfall, as they just start the cravings all over again and I have trouble getting back to the plan.  For now, I think I'm just going to stick as closely to healthy eating as I possibly can, and try to find healthy ways to treat myself.

Which reminds me: NoPudge brownies are a gift from the gods.  I'm not kidding... if you're going to make brownies from a box, these are the best I've ever had, AND they're fat free!  Yes, yes... they still have calories and carbs and sugar - I'm not suggesting you sit down and eat a whole pan of them, but one serving is quite satisfying.  The kids love them, too.  I've been serving them with a little side of vanilla yogurt and berries.  Yum!

For now, I'm fat... but hopefully not for much longer.  Wish me luck!